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Top ten facts

1. Burg does not grow facial hair. He grows facial rebar.

2. Burg eats naughty children and poops successful adults.

3. If you drop a phonograph needle on Burg's nipple, it plays Phil Collins' "No Jacket Required".

4. Burg once saved old people from a nursing home fire by killing them before they could be scorched.

5. Burg was created when an Alaskan kodiak bear mated with a mountain.

6. Burg abducts aliens.

7. Burg CAN believe it's not butter.

8. Burg has a pet tornado named "Oblivion" that he breast feeds.

9. Burg kisses fear on the mouth, and punches failure in the face

10. Can skip chapters on a VHS


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Top five, as chosen by the Burg man himself.

1. Burg shot JFK.

2. Burg once saved old people from a nursing home fire by killing them before they could be scorched.

3. Global warming is the direct result of Burg's anger when the weather disobeys him.


4. Burg dropped himself on Hiroshima, Japan on August 6, 1945. Unfulfilled, he re-dropped himself on Nagasaki three days later.


5. Burg can sucba dive inside volcanoes.


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